Read all of Year 14
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April 12
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It was in the papers again yesterday morning. I could have spent all day reading it, but I didn’t. I still never told anyone what you told me, don't worry. You never said anything about writing about it though. So truth only comes out line after line after all. Or so they say.
When you didn’t come home last month like you promised, mother cried. I just thought you should know that as there does not seem any other way of getting you to listen or care about what has been happening at home since you left so abruptly last winter. For mum and dad its like its never gotten any warmer. I am no comfort to them as I was never their pride and joy like you were. I just sit here writing you letters night after night and never sending them.
I guess I am going to go ahead and send this one to you because I know you are going to want to be assured that I never told anyone. I am sure whatever big city job you have now has kept you plenty busy but I am sure no matter how busy you get that it still haunts you. I think about it almost every day, even though I try not to. Maybe you left just so you would not be surrounded by all these things that remind you. I wish I could do that. I like to think that you have escaped it, but I doubt you have. I have to admit that a part of me hopes that you will suffer a bit. I hope that does not make me a bad person. You know that I love you and hope you find happiness somehow, wherever you are.
Benny comes by every weekend asking about you. I keep telling him not to keep coming, but somehow he seems to be in denial that you ever left. He always comes with that same stupid grin that he had every day when you two were kids and he would ask you to come and play. Even now nothing can break his spirit. He still seems to expect to see you sitting in your usual chair in the living room when he bursts through the door unannounced as if he owns the place. I really should have a talk with his mother about that. Sometimes he can be a bit dense when it comes to manners but I still love him like a brother. You know he wouldn’t hurt a fly.
I would try to convince you to come visit us by telling you that I am baking a chocolate cake for your birthday, because it’s your favorite, but I know it wouldn’t make any difference. What’s done is done.
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April 20
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I went out to the shed to look at it again yesterday. I can’t believe you worked on it so long without any of us noticing. It’s kind of remarkable come to think of it, even though we will never be able to show it to anyone.
It gives me kind of a demented pride to think that someone from our birth level could have done it.
We.
You.
When I think back to the more simple times when it was just us as kids laying on our backs out in the fields on the side of the hill; imagining a life or a fate or future outside of the mines. When we noticed the globs cresting the rise, you would make fun of me for calling them ‘globs’ and tried to teach me whatever they are really called. I still never understood how you knew how everything worked. Imagining us living in such a mass even today fires the imagination. If someone told me even now that you lived in one and traveled the world in such luxury, I would have to say I believed them. You certainly have the talent that they are always looking for anyway.
Harriet is getting married next month.
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April 33
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You would call me a fool just like you always do whenever I do something impulsive. I went out to the shed to look at it again, promising myself I wouldn’t go near it. Next thing I know, my hand was reaching out and I touched it. Before you get upset, I want you to be assured that I will be fine. I really don’t know what possessed me to do such a thing.
Mother had to call doctor and had of course no explanation why my arm was twitching uncontrollably without ceasing. We were lucky the doctor chalked it up to some kind of nervous disorder. He gave me some medicine to quell the effects, but i still am forced to write this with one hand as it does not work that well. Force of habit at this point to write to you about anything of note. It would feel wrong not to. Anyways, I am going to have see doctor more until we can figure something out. You don’t have to worry about us saying a word.
Dad and Mum would never risk the ward.
I know its hard for you to get long messages to me from wherever you are, but these one line missives tell me next to nothing, if they even are the truth, if they even are from you. You need to at least tell me what I should do next about this.
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June 7
April 12
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It was in the papers again yesterday morning. I could have spent all day reading it, but I didn’t. I still never told anyone what you told me, don't worry. You never said anything about writing about it though. So truth only comes out line after line after all. Or so they say.
When you didn’t come home last month like you promised, mother cried. I just thought you should know that as there does not seem any other way of getting you to listen or care about what has been happening at home since you left so abruptly last winter. For mum and dad its like its never gotten any warmer. I am no comfort to them as I was never their pride and joy like you were. I just sit here writing you letters night after night and never sending them.
I guess I am going to go ahead and send this one to you because I know you are going to want to be assured that I never told anyone. I am sure whatever big city job you have now has kept you plenty busy but I am sure no matter how busy you get that it still haunts you. I think about it almost every day, even though I try not to. Maybe you left just so you would not be surrounded by all these things that remind you. I wish I could do that. I like to think that you have escaped it, but I doubt you have. I have to admit that a part of me hopes that you will suffer a bit. I hope that does not make me a bad person. You know that I love you and hope you find happiness somehow, wherever you are.
Benny comes by every weekend asking about you. I keep telling him not to keep coming, but somehow he seems to be in denial that you ever left. He always comes with that same stupid grin that he had every day when you two were kids and he would ask you to come and play. Even now nothing can break his spirit. He still seems to expect to see you sitting in your usual chair in the living room when he bursts through the door unannounced as if he owns the place. I really should have a talk with his mother about that. Sometimes he can be a bit dense when it comes to manners but I still love him like a brother. You know he wouldn’t hurt a fly.
I would try to convince you to come visit us by telling you that I am baking a chocolate cake for your birthday, because it’s your favorite, but I know it wouldn’t make any difference. What’s done is done.
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April 20
--
I went out to the shed to look at it again yesterday. I can’t believe you worked on it so long without any of us noticing. It’s kind of remarkable come to think of it, even though we will never be able to show it to anyone.
It gives me kind of a demented pride to think that someone from our birth level could have done it.
We.
You.
When I think back to the more simple times when it was just us as kids laying on our backs out in the fields on the side of the hill; imagining a life or a fate or future outside of the mines. When we noticed the globs cresting the rise, you would make fun of me for calling them ‘globs’ and tried to teach me whatever they are really called. I still never understood how you knew how everything worked. Imagining us living in such a mass even today fires the imagination. If someone told me even now that you lived in one and traveled the world in such luxury, I would have to say I believed them. You certainly have the talent that they are always looking for anyway.
Harriet is getting married next month.
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April 33
--
You would call me a fool just like you always do whenever I do something impulsive. I went out to the shed to look at it again, promising myself I wouldn’t go near it. Next thing I know, my hand was reaching out and I touched it. Before you get upset, I want you to be assured that I will be fine. I really don’t know what possessed me to do such a thing.
Mother had to call doctor and had of course no explanation why my arm was twitching uncontrollably without ceasing. We were lucky the doctor chalked it up to some kind of nervous disorder. He gave me some medicine to quell the effects, but i still am forced to write this with one hand as it does not work that well. Force of habit at this point to write to you about anything of note. It would feel wrong not to. Anyways, I am going to have see doctor more until we can figure something out. You don’t have to worry about us saying a word.
Dad and Mum would never risk the ward.
I know its hard for you to get long messages to me from wherever you are, but these one line missives tell me next to nothing, if they even are the truth, if they even are from you. You need to at least tell me what I should do next about this.
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June 7
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It took long enough to get it all ready, but your solution worked almost immediately. No more shakes.
I learned from doctor on his last visit that the rumors have returned about the mines dimming again. I know you always thought any discussion about the mines to be simply trite, but a lot of people here depend on the volume and luminosity.
When people always debated over the mines in our living room back we could have regular visitors, your thoughts were always on other things, never on the cares and worries of the ward and its people. I always figured you as someone who could never keep focus, but I had that wrong. You focus was always just somewhere else.
I can’t imagine any place you could have wound up where this dust wouldn’t make a an actual difference in the end. I know what people use it for. I am not stupid. I went to school just like everyone else. In your personal studies and your secret experiments here, I am sure you found big important things that turn ears in a crowd, but in the end can’t you see its all in the dust in the end anyway. It runs the world.
Just because we have our eye to the caliper, does not mean we are missing the bigger gem.
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June 8
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June 8
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Since after yesterday I could finally walk around outside without drawing shame, I decided to go for a walk in some of our old stomping grounds because you have been on my mind so much recently. I was surprised and of course quite angry to find that you have kept at least one other of your projects lying around for just anyone to find. Mind you, I don’t know anyone else still alive who knows about the existence of Hilvert Cave, so I guess it is fairly safe where it is for the time being. There is no way I would even try to go near it anyway. Not after what happened last time.
Mum always told me that I should be more considerate of things like you are. But I would have to say this is not very good example you are setting. Fulfilling your promise and coming home this month to take care of these discarded hopeless causes would at least give us an opportunity to see each other. You know we care about you despite all of this.
I was surprised when I realized Benny has not stopped by in about a week. I will have to talk to his mum at some point to see how he is.
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June 12
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I am here now in Isling Junction like you requested. I was annoyed but not surprised that you did not come to get me at the station. I must say it’s a little lonely and embarrassing to be kept waiting in one place in a town full of strangers. Isling Junction is a big city you know. There are almost four thousand people they told me. Do you expect me to find what I am supposed to be doing here on my own, do you? I can’t read your mind.
I hope you don’t mind I took the liberty of checking in to the David’s Inn and I have a room there. So I will wait at the tables there for you if you are actually coming. Don’t expect me to wait forever. I have made up my mind to buy a ticket back home on Saturday if you don’t show. Don’t come making excuses later that you never got my messages. I am well aware of just how reliable the Missive Service is.
If I am not there when you arrive, just stay there because I have probably gone window shopping or something. The hills know just how long I have waited for you, so you can wait for me. After all, what is the point of traveling to a town with at least a dozen shops in it if I don’t get the opportunity to look around?
Hurry up.
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June 12
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I am here now in Isling Junction like you requested. I was annoyed but not surprised that you did not come to get me at the station. I must say it’s a little lonely and embarrassing to be kept waiting in one place in a town full of strangers. Isling Junction is a big city you know. There are almost four thousand people they told me. Do you expect me to find what I am supposed to be doing here on my own, do you? I can’t read your mind.
I hope you don’t mind I took the liberty of checking in to the David’s Inn and I have a room there. So I will wait at the tables there for you if you are actually coming. Don’t expect me to wait forever. I have made up my mind to buy a ticket back home on Saturday if you don’t show. Don’t come making excuses later that you never got my messages. I am well aware of just how reliable the Missive Service is.
If I am not there when you arrive, just stay there because I have probably gone window shopping or something. The hills know just how long I have waited for you, so you can wait for me. After all, what is the point of traveling to a town with at least a dozen shops in it if I don’t get the opportunity to look around?
Hurry up.